We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
