I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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