mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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