well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
