I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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