Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
