what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
