Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
