I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
