That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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