Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
