Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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