I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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