he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
