Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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