It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This toilet bowl is my home.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
