This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize