I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
