Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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