You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
