You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
