New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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