She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
