you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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