I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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