Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
