please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize