honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
