Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
