Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
