That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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