woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
