currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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