I puked a lego.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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