My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
