He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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