Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
