he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
