I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
