The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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