She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
