don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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