Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
