Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The Olympian is in my bed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
