It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize