Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
