That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
