There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
