I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
