we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
