I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
