What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
