I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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