Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize