Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
