just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
whose parrot is this?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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