what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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