Already got asked if we're dating
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
