Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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