I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
