Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
