im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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