He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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