I wanna bring you to show and tell
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
