OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
