If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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