She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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