What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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