I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
