just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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